“She could make the man understand.
She spoke to him in the language HE KNEW.”
Eight year old Sara Crewe, the main character in FHB’s classic story A Little Princess, knew that in order for others understand, you have to speak in a language they know. But what happens when someone doesn’t “know” your language?
Less than a year after my husband and I started dating in college, we took a trip with his parents to spend the week at his grandmother’s house on Bainbridge Island near Seattle. Grandma Wilt, AKA Granny Grunge because she would send him all the latest “grunge” music coming out of Seattle, was the coolest. And since I had lost both of my grandmothers at a young age, I was a sponge…soaking up all the grandma-goodness she was putting out.
During the trip, I became more and more comfortable with his family, and Patrick and I quickly fell into our normal banter. I ascended the steps from my basement room each morning as Patrick sat in the kitchen chatting with his grandmother. As I stepped across the threshold into the kitchen, he would raise his coffee with a smile and say,
“Good morning Putz!”
I would then quickly nod back and quip in acknowledgment, “Moron,” as I headed to make my tea.
THIS was our thing, our love language. We thought it was sweet and funny, but Grandma Wilt was not so convinced. A few days into our trip, she pulled Patrick aside and expressed her serious concern for our relationship.
“She seems like a lovely girl,” she said, “but I can’t seem to understand why you are always arguing and calling each other names.”
My future husband was confused, shaking his head as he tried to recall ANY time during our visit that we had fought.
“You are not a MORON.” she said sweetly to him.
Patrick grinned widely, assured her that things were fine between us, and attempted to explain that we were just quoting our favorite movie Grumpy Old Men.
She listened intently to his explanation of our behavior, but was still a bit concerned. So to keep her happy, we decided to keep all movie quotes to ourselves for the rest of the trip.
It was one of the first times I realized that NOT everyone speaks and/or understands MY language.
There is a popular book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, that attempts to identify the ways in which we give love and also how we prefer to receive love. According to the book, most of us will speak or understand best in one of these languages:
- Gifts
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
I feel like perhaps there are a few missing chapters, because my love language doesn’t seem to be included.
MY LOVE LANGUAGE: It’s a specialty blend of teasing and kind-hearted sarcasm, mixed with terrible puns, then topped with late 80’s and 90’s Movie Quotes and Rap Lyrics.
My husband and children are fluent in my SPECIAL LOVE LANGUAGE, as are most of our close friends. If you speak my special language, it means you can:
-anticipate and/or recognize the pun and give credit where credit is due…at times even offering your own pun to one up mine.
-not only take the good-natured teasing and kind-hearted sarcasm, but you can fight back a bit to make it more fun.
-name the movie being quoted and offer the next line when applicable in conversation.
NOTE: If you can’t speak Space Balls, The Princess Bride, or The Money Pit…you may never fully understand me.
Speak my language to me…
and I will LOVE you forever.
What is your specially blended LOVE language?
As a writer and an observer of life, Frances was fluent in many specialty languages: Southern Vagabond, Snotty Rich Girl, English Housemaid, American School boy, and countless others. Her talent for being able to slip into one of these characters made her a hit with children, but sometimes a bit perplexing to adults. Thus is life…some will understand you, and some probably never will.
But luckily, as we experience life and meet new people, we develop a good “working knowledge” of many different Love Languages that we can use to connect to those around us.
You see, while my husband is mostly fluent in my language, his unique blend differs a bit from mine as HIS:
- replaces my rap music with his heavy metal
- replaces my movies with more manly shoot-em-ups and of course Top Gun
…and then adds his knowledge of all things Wine and Hunting to his love language blend.
While I am not fluent in his language…I can “hang”, just like the character Penny from one of our favorite shows The Big Bang Theory. She is NOT a scientist, but her friends are, so she worked hard in this clip to get a “working knowledge” of her boyfriends love language: SCIENCE so she too can “hang”.
Our personal language and an understanding of their’s is what helps us connect in a deeper way to those around us.
How does your specially blended LOVE language connect you to others?
I just love that moment when you realize for the first time that someone speaks your “special language”. It always catches me off guard a bit and I become as giddy as a school girl. Once I calm down, my heart reminds me to make another tally on the wall of “they GET me…they really do…I am not alone.”
My husband and I were having quick lunch last week at our restaurant, Grape Juice, when we overheard a woman at the bar talking about a concert. Our ears perked up because she was speaking in one of my husbands most fluent love languages: the band METALLICA. He, of course, quickly engaged this kindred spirit in a passionate conversation. Literal strangers just moments before, their mutual LOVE language of Metallica connected them for a brief moment, making this great big world just a bit smaller.
VALENTINE CHALLENGE:
Send a LOVE NOTE in your special LANGUAGE.
Inside jokes, winks and teasing pokes can become the sweetest LOVE NOTES. They are what makes YOU, YOU! So don’t settle for sending a pre-written Valentine this year, make one using your special language!
My Valentine might read:
Outside: There is only one person who would DARE give me the RASPBERRY! (Spaceballs Movie Reference)
Inside: So glad it’s you.
or
Outside: Don’t you know I’m loco?
Inside: I’m Insane in the Membrane for You! (Cyprus Hill Rap Reference)
And when words fail you, just use your face, because EVERYONE SPEAKS SMILE.
“Perhaps there is a language which is not made of words
and everything in the world understands it.
Perhaps there is a soul hidden in everything
and it can always speak,
without even making a sound, to another soul.”
Wishing you each all of the LOVE in this world has to offer! Happy Valentine’s Week Everyone!
Forever..Forever-Ever, (Outkast rap song reference…see below video)
FHB and Especially Me